20... getting over life.

Thursday, August 26, 2004


You might notice a few changes, #1-- that blogspot bar at the top. I cant get rid of that. The search box searches my blog.

#2-- This huge ad banner. I get money from this banner. Please, oh please, click on it as much as you want whenever you see a relevant ad.



I think there might be a white box, because google can't crawl me and i'm sick of john kerry ads.

Oops, bloggeuhh is bwoken.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

reason for me being a journalist

I think the things that piss me off the most are when things aren't right. I think thats one of the motivations for me being a journalist. I want to make sure people aren't getting hurt. I think that when someone is opposing me, it really effects (affect?) me way too much. Right now, almost an hour after a completley minor incident, i feel a bit of something inside that says "you care too much." I think thats probably an accurate thing, i need to chill. Things that are over, need to stay over. Even though they're over, it doesn't make it right.

I think depression, and its subsequent treatment, alieviates this problem, but not fully. I need to work on my personality, just as everyone does.

anyway, more venting.


Monday, August 23, 2004

why do i listen to the music i listen to?

So i was thinking to myself, and i thought of an elder stark comment.

"Why do you think you listen to the music you listen to? Do you think its because you're depressed, or do you think you're depressed because you listen to that music?"

I can't figure it out. Radiohead, Coldplay, even some Yellowcard to an extent, all give me the same feeling. I feel like i can escape this world for some reason. It doesn't matter what i'm doing, where i'm at, if i was in florida, or in utah, i'm doing fine.

I don't know if i'm going back. I don't know if i should go back. I know that i should do the best i can, with what i'm given.


This is a letter i sent to my old roomate, kenny.

Its the brief version of why i'm home.

yeah, the brief version.... complex indeed.

Well, i have depression, and i've had it forever. Around March i/doctors decided it would be a good idea if i started taking medication again, since it looked like the depression was on an up swing. I started taking it and things were fine for a few weeks. The best weeks of my mission. I started to get more and more tired, like i would go to bed as soon as we got in at 9:30 and attempt to get up at 6:30, and then sleep till 9:30, or even later. Eventually when it got worse and worse, i was sleeping for about 18 hours a day, and being friggin tired for 6 hours.

They started to switch my medicines, but they gave me different/worse side effects. Eventually, i started having some really spiritual experiences which led back to utah. I got home about 6 weeks ago, and now i'm completley off meds, but they don't know when/if i can go back. I'm probably going to finish my degree this year, and then if i can go back, i might.

Its pretty nuts, to say the least, but i got a new scholarship, a bam house, and a lot of blessings. I know i'm in the right place, BUT IT SUCKS SOOOOO MUCH. I freaking hate talking about my mission to people because i get mission sick, like home sick but for my mission. Its not so bad, but sometimes i feel like a total loser. One of my friends really put it in perspective for me though, she said, "you're not going home for any unrightious reasons, right?" I agreed, she said " don't worry, we don't all understand the lords timetable."

One more funny story, i came back on friday, and then on a tuesday, i went to my old work at KCSG TV in st. george. They thought they saw a ghost, and aparently, my old boss had a dream 2 weeks before that i was working for them instead of being out on my mission. He was like "GO ON YOUR MISSION, you can be here now!" Then i came back, and he hired me, and paid me even better than before. It was pretty cool.

Well, this is long, and you're in medical school, so go cut open some cadaveres or something.



Saturday, August 14, 2004


So i'm out of st. george, florida is getting pounded, and i don't know what the freak my life has in store. Its a crazy time for ol' elder bennett... now randall... i don't know exactly whats going on in my life, and it feels really blurry.

I'm driving, a long distance tomarrow, and i'll post again when i get internet, which is hopfully tomarrow. (i've got an e-bay auction that ends, so i hope it works!) I'll post more later.

Coming up on the blog...

KCSG, farewell... for now.
Weber State VS SUU, we're going to get killed!
I miss someone in ireland.
I'm confused about ms. ireland.

All this and more, when i feel like updating again!

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

questions for anyone related to TV

As i start this new year of school, and looking forward to graduating this spring, i think i need some advice. I want to do things the right way, and if you could give me some tips, i would appreciate it much. What should i be thinking about when putting together my demo tape, what are some major factors in getting people to notice me, and what do you think was a mistake that you made that i could avoid?

Plus, is it feasable for me, as a 21 year old grad, to anchor anywhere? What do you think my career path should follow?

I sent this e-mail to my brother, but i thought that by the random chance that someone would stumble across this site that actually knew something about tv, please leave a comment and answer these questions.

Also, what do you want to watch when you're watching local TV News?

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

pathetic losers, raise you hand!

Well, i'm exited to be leaving, but scared out of my mind.

I'm not doing as good as i wish, but i'm still doing better than i expected. (oooohh deep thought.)

This week is my last week at kcsg, and this time was way better than last time. I liked it a ton more. I'm worried about how well i'm going to do up north, but we'll see. I'm going to be working at a place called management training corporation, so that should be cool. I'm working in their video production department, doing some video stuff... i'm not sure how it all works yet, but it is a paid internship, so that is cool.

anywho, my life is changing once again, and its another 6 week transfer. Back to packing, for the 7th time in a year.

Monday, August 09, 2004

leaving next week

Well, i'm pretty sure that i'm leaving here this weekend, and moving to ogden to go to school. That makes another 6 week area. Annoying, to say the least, but its my last transfer for a while.

I was just thinking, and i realized i might see sister stillman (from cape coral) in ogden on her mission! I think that would be cool.

I dunno what else to write, i'm going to try to think of more stuff.

Saturday, August 07, 2004

john kerry = conservative?!

wow, how bout that for a switch. I was watching my favorite network, CNN Headline News, and i saw that Iraqi conservatives vote for kerry, while iraqi liberals vote for bush (if they could vote that is..) I think the irony of that alone makes me laugh. I don't really get why things are the way they are with the whole iraq situation, and i don't really know whats going to happen, but i'm confident that it will happen right.

I'm way nervous about moving a week from today. Its really weird.

wish me luck

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

haha e-bay scammers beware.

So i got on e-bay to check some stuff, i found out that most of my packages haven't shipped yet, so thats annoying, but the guy who tried to screw me on e-bay GOT HIS ACCOUNT TAKEN AWAY!


that rules.

i rule.

e-bay is cooler than i thought.


Monday, August 02, 2004

back from the whirlwind tour

so i'm finally back from my whirlwind tour of the west. It was good to see the fam. I love them so much.

(radio edit)

extenuating circumstances force me to radio edit the post for fear of impressionability. I'll re-instate the post once the insuing drama has concluded. It wasn't anything bad, it was actually an approval, but you know, i'm scared of how things look.

The whirlwind tour consisted of Colorado for a baptism of my nephew, Northern Utah for a job interview, and then back here.

w00t w00.

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